Heavy

My eyelids and heart are heavy as I write this blog. The Universe was definitely testing me today or either God was watching out for me or both.  After I dropped  off at his unit, I headed to the PX to get Tiny Tot's and my refills.   I picked up B from school, gave him a snack, then put him down for quiet time.  Tiny Tot was asleep for an unusual long time. When he woke up, I knew something was wrong. He was burning up and had the worst cough.  He has a chronic cough due to his Lung Disease but this was a different sound.  He would cry out after coughing and then pant.  I got his inhalers and did his treatments in order to help him breathe. I didn't notice an improvement and he had a 100.00 temperature. 

I got on the phone and called his Pediatrician. I kept getting voicemail and the message that they were busy blah blah.  I called his Pulmonologist only to learn that she was out on a week's vacation.  I called the NICU clinic to talk to his Neonatologist and Neurologist.  They suggested the ER if I couldn't get in touch with the Ped.  I got B up from his nap, grabbed a handful of toys and off we went.  I started calling all B's friends in hopes to find someone to watch him so he didn't have to sit in an ER but no one was available.  Instead of pulling into the ER, I decided to turn into the Ped's office.  I ran in and explained to the nurse what was going on and she said the Dr. would see him! HOORAY!

We learned that Tiny Tot has Croup again and he definitely has a nasty ear infection.  The ear infection is the 2nd one in less than two months so we are going to more than likely end up with yet another specialist, an ENT.  He got a steroid shot to help with the esophageal inflammation and a prescription for an antibiotic. Yay for Decadron.  Now I know why our sweet baby wasn't sleeping the past 10 days.  He is such a happy baby. He rarely complains. Even with a bloody ear canal, he was smiling at the doctor and flirting with the nurses.  Dr. S told me not to beat myself up for not realizing his inability to sleep was more than likely due to an ear infection.  After all, we were a bit distracted this week.

I learned today that I can handle stress and motherhood alone.  It is less stressful with E here but not impossible.  Not once did I lose control or break down in tears.  I didn't feel sorry for myself or freak out. I just did what needed to be done.  In a way, I am glad this happened today.  It reinforced the idea that I can handle this deployment. 

Tiny Tot didn't give me any trouble tonight. I rocked him until he was sleepy and then put him down IN HIS CRIB. He fell asleep on his own.   He is right next door and the monitor is on. He will probably end up in our room after he wakes up again but I am glad I am able to start him in his own room so I can get ready for bed without having to wake him.  *Yes, he just woke up...oh well at least he started out there.

E called me to let me know that he was boarding his flight in Atlanta.  He has a 13 hour flight then a layover. Tonight, I told B that it was time to go to bed. I told him I was going to bed when he did. He said "But we have to wait for Daddy." I told him yet again that Daddy wasn't coming home tonight. B asked me where he was again. I said "The Middle East."  B said "I don't like that Middle East."
Yeah, me either.