Of Louboutin and Lessons

     Today, I was the haggard mother of 3, usually well-behaved little boys, struggling to get through the grocery store while keeping their tiny hands sanitized and off of any and everything. The baby was in his car seat, in the cart, surrounded by food and medicine crying his heart out from teething pain. You were the younger woman dressed to the 9's with daggers of hate and know-better glances shooting from your painted eyes. You told me to give him a teething ring as if I had no idea what those things were with baby #3. You stomped off in your seething, heels flashing that red I once knew shaking your head at my sweater and flip flops. As fate would have it she got stuck behind me in line and I had grabbed the wrong debit card (yes, we have two accounts). While holding a crying baby, and trying to get the older two to leave the cashier alone, I transferred the funds to the proper account and paid my groceries.  I looked at my hand, realizing that I had failed to put my diamond back on this morning after changing the baby. It sometimes catches his precious body and I hate to scratch him with it.  Yes, she even noticed my naked hands. I wanted to rattle off a snide remark about teething rings or explain that at 3 months he lacks the dexterity to successfully put a teething ring in his mouth but I refrained. Instead I said "Thank you for your suggestion. Have a great day. “Uneducated baby breeders" I heard you whisper under your breath.... 

     And you, the older lady, bent from years of looking down to help those tiny children, unable to straighten to fully look me in the eye said "These days are fleeting. I know you are doing the best you can. You gave that snotty woman kindness instead of the earful most would have...God bless you and I hope your sweet baby gets some relief." Slower now, you learned to yield to the 20 something’s so busy with their IPhones and meetings-too scheduled to bother to stop and make human contact in a way that might be meaningful. You know so much more about living than we could imagine.  You gave me your kindness on a day when I needed it.  You gave me your understanding that all mothers no matter how old know. 

I took a deep breath and attempted to gather all three of my "bred" children and walked to the car.  

     You had no idea that I was a double major in college with a minor and went on to obtain my Juris Doctorate. You have no idea that I am married to a man who loves me unconditionally. You have no idea that not only were these children intentional but prayed for and loved. You have no idea that he is a strong, faithful, loving man who serves our Country and asks for nothing in return.  You have no idea that we have more than one bank account to pay for our groceries and have never taken a dime in government aid even when we could have qualified for it on my husband's military salary years ago. My dirty sweater and snotty children screamed poor and unaccomplished.  

     For one of you, this would have mattered. This would have been information that would have changed how you treated me. You might have been less vocal but I am sure you still wouldn't have offered to help.  For the other, this information didn't matter. You couldn't straighten your body to even look up. You offered kindness not knowing or caring what I looked like. You gave me grace and understanding because you remember how hard it was to juggle children and grocery shop. 

     It made me realize how often I had been the first woman; too busy to give someone grace; too selfish to be kind in my thoughts; too judging of a person in a grocery store.   I have a lot to offer in friendship, talents, and knowledge but the former woman would never be able to share those with me because she assumed I was nothing like I am based on what she witnessed today.  How many people have I passed up in life? How many experiences did I miss out on because I was quick to judge?

     I am on my journey of 100 days of Gratitude and my attempt to reach out to spread kindness. It seems today, the kindness found me. 

    I don't know your name but I hope when I am broken from years of motherhood and living life, I remember to be kind to the young mother in the grocery store. 

Which woman are you?

Gratitude

     The other morning I was running late.  My hair was a mess and I was pretty sure my shirt was on inside-out, backwards, or both. I couldn’t identify the various stains on my clothing but my children were appliqued, clean, fed, and on time.  I was just thinking to myself how I was such a horrible mother because I was not going to be able to make both boys’ school Halloween programs. I was lamenting that I had to say “No” more times than “Yes” to volunteering events. I was thinking of how I hadn’t called a dear friend in weeks. I was late to my 3 year old’s class party and I felt especially frumpy and fat in what I was wearing.   

    I just felt less than and then an amazing thing happened. A mother, beautifully dressed and put together stopped me as I was struggling to get into the Preschool building and said “I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with you.” I stood there dumbfounded as she continued “I saw you in church last week and I said to my husband ‘That is the hardest working mother in town!”  With tears in my eyes, I thanked her and we went our separate ways.  

     I cannot tell you how that simple interaction has changed me this week. I was so sure that I was failing at this thing called “Motherhood.” I just didn’t think I was doing the right things. I was tired all the time, I was short tempered, I was out of shape, and not available to my community or friends as much as I wanted to be.  My perception of myself was so different from how others perceived me. 

     I started thinking of all the people in my life and how many of them I value and admire. I know we aren’t supposed to compare but I am guilty of doing it. I started thinking “what if that mother is just as tired and stressed out as I am?” “What if that friend isn’t as happy on the inside as she/he projects?” “What if that person doesn’t realize how talented they are or lack confidence to go out and achieve their dreams?”  I decided to make an effort starting this November to share my thoughts of gratitude and love to the people in my life. I hope to inspire others to do so as well. I am going to be gentle and patient with myself as I slowly lose this last bit of baby weight. I am going to allow myself some Grace. 

    The journey of life may seem long and hard at times but I know that when mine comes to an end, it will feel short. I will weep when my babies are too big to hold in my lap.  I know I will have wanted to cuddle them more or laughed with that friend one more time. I will have wanted to have been on stage and sung my heart out one more time. I have been given a finite number of days on this earth. I am challenging myself to be “thankful” longer than just the month of November. So, I have started messaging people and sharing with them in an effort to make their days just a little less dark. 

     The stains on my clothes will wash. The boys will one day tie their shoes all by themselves and will not need me to drive them around. The silence I so crave on busy days will one day become a reminder of how short of a time God loaned them to me.  Let’s all try to be a little more forgiving and a little more loving. Let’s all tell each other how we feel NOW so we don’t have to worry and wonder if they knew.  Share your love with each other, you never know how those kind words will change a life.