Gratitude

     The other morning I was running late.  My hair was a mess and I was pretty sure my shirt was on inside-out, backwards, or both. I couldn’t identify the various stains on my clothing but my children were appliqued, clean, fed, and on time.  I was just thinking to myself how I was such a horrible mother because I was not going to be able to make both boys’ school Halloween programs. I was lamenting that I had to say “No” more times than “Yes” to volunteering events. I was thinking of how I hadn’t called a dear friend in weeks. I was late to my 3 year old’s class party and I felt especially frumpy and fat in what I was wearing.   

    I just felt less than and then an amazing thing happened. A mother, beautifully dressed and put together stopped me as I was struggling to get into the Preschool building and said “I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with you.” I stood there dumbfounded as she continued “I saw you in church last week and I said to my husband ‘That is the hardest working mother in town!”  With tears in my eyes, I thanked her and we went our separate ways.  

     I cannot tell you how that simple interaction has changed me this week. I was so sure that I was failing at this thing called “Motherhood.” I just didn’t think I was doing the right things. I was tired all the time, I was short tempered, I was out of shape, and not available to my community or friends as much as I wanted to be.  My perception of myself was so different from how others perceived me. 

     I started thinking of all the people in my life and how many of them I value and admire. I know we aren’t supposed to compare but I am guilty of doing it. I started thinking “what if that mother is just as tired and stressed out as I am?” “What if that friend isn’t as happy on the inside as she/he projects?” “What if that person doesn’t realize how talented they are or lack confidence to go out and achieve their dreams?”  I decided to make an effort starting this November to share my thoughts of gratitude and love to the people in my life. I hope to inspire others to do so as well. I am going to be gentle and patient with myself as I slowly lose this last bit of baby weight. I am going to allow myself some Grace. 

    The journey of life may seem long and hard at times but I know that when mine comes to an end, it will feel short. I will weep when my babies are too big to hold in my lap.  I know I will have wanted to cuddle them more or laughed with that friend one more time. I will have wanted to have been on stage and sung my heart out one more time. I have been given a finite number of days on this earth. I am challenging myself to be “thankful” longer than just the month of November. So, I have started messaging people and sharing with them in an effort to make their days just a little less dark. 

     The stains on my clothes will wash. The boys will one day tie their shoes all by themselves and will not need me to drive them around. The silence I so crave on busy days will one day become a reminder of how short of a time God loaned them to me.  Let’s all try to be a little more forgiving and a little more loving. Let’s all tell each other how we feel NOW so we don’t have to worry and wonder if they knew.  Share your love with each other, you never know how those kind words will change a life.