Tomorrow will be better.

I just sat on a truck and as I got up to figure out what was painfully attacking my bum, I stepped on a Lego. My almost 3 year old is crying because I had to close his door. He was babbling on and keeping the almost 6 year old awake. I made this decision so we all can get sleep. It breaks my heart that he is sad but I know it is in his best interest.

I just decided to run a bath because it is one of the "Calgon Take Me Away" kinda days. However, there is a wedding veil in my sink. Yes, a wedding veil. Not the one I walked down the aisle in but the one I wore as I danced the night away. Why is it in my sink? Said 2 year old got it out earlier this week to play with it and then promptly found a way to dump a chocolate milkshake on it. Tonight, I spent 30 minutes precariously balancing on a stool with a broom in my hand in an attempt to retrieve a Beanie Baby puppy from the top of a bookshelf. This puppy was replaced just a day ago and the little one already had a mishap but wouldn't go to bed without him!

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

All this nonsense, this minutiae of life is the starch and fat that holds this family body together. When we look back, the meat of the body is what we remember births, graduations, proud days...I know these are there but I am choosing to revel in the not so perfect days of summer this year.

In less than a week, I will have another new life added to this family. With all the stubbing of toes and dirty laundry, you probably think I am crazy...and you are probably right. My life is about to get infinitely more complicated and for some reason I am so excited I can barely sit still.

These little men remind me daily of my worth. When my presence is the only one required for a date to watch Bubble Guppies or my comforting touch soothes one of them back to sleep after a nightmare, I have instant gratification that this mother thing is working. They know they are loved and they can count on me.

A few months back, I was having a really hard time parenting. I was frustrated and annoyed all the time and thought I didn't like my boys anymore.  Now looking back I realize that I was just in the throws of a pregnancy and I was doing it alone. My husband has been deployed this entire pregnancy and I have been the sole care giver of our two special boys. How I thought things were supposed to be sunshine and lollipops is beyond me. Of course I was tired, I was directly responsible for growing a human and keeping 3 others alive all while making it on time to school, finishing homework art projects, directing children's choir, and running a business.  Now it seems so clear but sometimes when you are in it, it is murky and you fee like a failure. 

Sure, there is laundry EVERYWHERE..I think I found one of Tiny Tot's "panties' ahem underwear by the fridge today..who knows why? Yes, I need to run the dishwasher and take the trash out.  I have Scentsy bars all over my living room floor because I got a new shipment of Bring Back My Bars in and the boys wanted to have their own party tonight.  But, there are Popsicles in the freezer and two little ones snug in their beds. There will be music lessons tomorrow and play dates with their favorite sitter. I will attack the house and get it spotless just in time for them to destroy it again. This cycle is my life. I chose it. I shall be happy in it